STAND UP & BE COUNTED!

[Initial Publication in http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=116764551710509]
Stay tuned for your Full E-book Copy by Summer 2011.

A student of mine told me about her fear of speaking up.
Because her command of English is self-proclaimed ' total DISASTER!!!'
[actually her confidence level is worst. and yet she never discussed that!!!]
So great is her fear that I recalled Public Speaking being the No.1 Fear.
Greater than Death itself. Oh yeah.

Ever found yourself in the same shoes?
Ever found yourself walking up to a guy or gal you like but went speechless?
Ever found yourself practising all nite for a presentation but screwed up the moment you stand up?
Ever found yourself looking at all those 'Naturals' and wonder why they're born luckier?

The Only Prison is Fear and The Only Freedom is Freedom from Fear.
-Aung San Suu Kyi, Burmese Prime Minister-in-Captive and Nobel Prize '91 Winner.

Have you ever been told that keeping your damn mouth shut, doing all your homework and never question the authority are the secrets to a good & stable life? I bet you do.
Good news is: SO AM I. *laughs*

The problem isn't the formula. It's the objective itself: Good & stable life.
This is a myth.
Do you believe keeping your mouth shut will earn you the most beloved student award?
Do you believe never questioning the authority will earn you respect?
Do you believe merely a strings of 21 As will land you a top job?
Do you believe a job will translate into financial security for you to start a family?
Do you believe starting a family is only meant to continue your generation?
Do you believe your your cash-in-fixed deposits will guarantee your retirement?
And your kids confirmed will insure your 'golden' days?
And ultimately the cycle is to arrive at your grave 'safely, untested'?

Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight.
-Japanese Proverb

I used to have tremendous fear of people.
Fear of speaking to authorities, to strangers, to even a small group.
Fear of standing out, being the limelight.
Fear of publicity. Stupid low profile humility.
Fear of standing in front of the class & lead.

WHY? Inferiority Complex. I just cannot see how I'm better than others in any way, especially when they could be smarter, older (always been because I skipped primary four for primary five! hence hanging out with seniors all the way:-), richer, more experienced, more good looking, have more toys, more famous, bigger and bolder.

The last time I was called to come forward to present a Science answer in my tuition centre; considering the tutor acknowledged I'm the bright student of the class; I trembled, I gave excuse of going to the washroom first, I felt the world was falling, I stuttered, I trembled more, I became an overnite joke for students from various schools in Selangor and Federal Territory and most importantly- I simultaneously presented an incorrect answer!

It's easy then for me to believe that the stage was never meant for me- when I flopped any attempt of story-telling in primary school, voted the quietest kid in the block (any acquaintance of mine can testify how silent and ignorant I'm then), never had any significant co-curricular achievements, failed to communicate with my just started home tuition parents- especially when you're in T-shirts and shorts!, got into a tense relationship with my then ex and my parents thought I'm heading to be some doctors, engineers or get a job behind the desk.

Courage is not the absence of fear;
but rather the judgement that what you want is more important than what you fear.
-Ambrose Redmoon, Quicksilver Folk Rock Band's Manager [Paraphrased]

BUT the judgement that I want to be able to communicate is more important than my fear of people.
BUT the judgement that I want to master my spoken English is more important than my fear of others' laughter.
BUT the judgement that I too want to stand up and be counted is more important than my fear of rejection.

And YES people will reject you. Big time.
My Dad; he's a very very responsible dad- love him; being realistic said that to achieve my dream to be a public speaker is a one-in-a-million possibility. Because that's the amount of individuals that inherited such a flair and talent.
The girl sat next to me told me this- can you kindly speak back in Cantonese, stop pretending to speak English!

Hurts? Duh. But so what.
My opinion of myself is more important than even my family opinion of myself.
People are of their best intentions but not your right inspiration.
I bet your NO.1 challenge is what other people think of you, dont you feel so?
Love people but never care what they think about you. Period.

When your voice and vision in the inside is more profound than the opinion and influence on your outside, you begin to master your life.
-Dr. John Demartini, Doctor of Chiropractic [Paraphrased]

I began to study whatever materials I could get my hands on and my heart on- observed good presenters in schools, seeked out mentors who can guide me, watched my favourite sitcom characters on TV's pronounciations, viewed great orators on Youtube possibly a gazzillion times, understanding religions, philosophies and whatever branches there are in psychology, devoted myself to co-curriculars, work and networking, forced myself a target of talking to strangers eg. 100/month- so better start talking to everyone sitting beside you in bus and the one holding that book and the one enjoying her Baskin Robbins- all social classes, gender and age and various other awesome stuffs.
Whatever in the previous five lines possibly took me years.

In the end, you can't just copy someone and spurt out some technique you heard or taught and expect to be a natural, right?
Exactly. Because that's not you.
It's not the technique- memorization. It's the perspective you live your life.

But how to bridge the Transformation?
Here lies my best loved secret- share with you next time:-)

Every Master is once a Disaster.
-T. Harv Eker, Founder of Peak Potential Trainings

Well, there's a happy ending to my story.
Without having to fast forward till today.

I delivered a speech in Zushi-Kaisei High School; on behalf of my society in a first-of-its-kind cultural exchange programme we organized to Japan.
I was invited to be MC for other societies' Annual General Meetings.
I was promoted in a way I never imagined- Chairman, President, Secretary, Treasurer, EXCO, Ambassador..I could form a list.
Business, financial, relationship, personal whatever....the quality of your life depends on the quality of your communication *nod, nod*

Later, I joined my first national public speaking competition.
I got into the semis. Only.
When the finalists were announced, awared of those who were crying- I just can't.
I wonder why.

I now knew:
It's not the mountain we conquered. But ourselves.
-Sir Edmund Hillary, 1st Conqueror of Mount Everest

And it's not the mountain that makes you the happiest. It's yourself.
And my dad for the first time witnessed my performance on the stage; commanding the attention of the floor. He's at awe.
He deducted maybe I should be a public speaker after all!

Stand Up & Be Counted!
Terrence Tan Wing Hong
Educator Extraordinaire
& Everyday FEAR Fighter.